Pantylines are unfairly vilified

I’ve never really worried a lot about whether my panty lines showed through my pants. Probably never been that concerned about my appearance–most of the time, I’m worried about more basic problems, like whether the hem of my skirt is caught in the waistband of my pantyhose when I leave the bathroom at work.

But to hear advertisers and the media talk about the horrors of visible panty lines, you’d think wearing underpants was the third biggest sin in the entire world, next to being a liberal and choosing not to have children.

Really, unless you go commando, the only other alternative you have for avoiding panty lines is to wear bloomers that cover you from waist to mid-thigh. Two extremes, equally (un)appealing in my book.

Isn’t wearing panties a GOOD thing, like eating well and volunteering in your community? Going commando to me smacks of raciness, of looseness and a certain cavalier willingness to do anything, anywhere. And yes, before you ask, I have gone commando, but that was a long time past and isn’t a state I’m ever in these days.

And really, do you WANT to know that your postal carrier/veterinarian/attorney doesn’t let anything get between them and their Calvins? Is that a piece of knowledge that we want to have about our friends, coworkers and neighbors?

If you’re concerned about your panty lines ‘ruining’ the appearance of your outer clothes, you might need to a.) invest in some better, properly fitting panties that won’t make you look like a balloon animal with a tightly-tied string bisecting you, and b.) check the fit of the outer clothes you’re wearing.  None of us want to be able to see what you had for breakfast through the strained fabric of your too-tight dress–maybe your panties are showing because everything else is, too?

And finally there’s c.) wearing the proper undergarments. Along with making sure your panties fit you properly, you might also want to invest in a slip to wear with skirts and dresses. My friend Dannette tells me I’m being quaint and dating myself when I talk about wearing pantyhose and slips with skirts, but the fact is a properly-fit slip can completely change the fit and fall of a skirt or dress for the better. Instead of having the garment cling to your hips and try to creep up your thighs, you can add a light layer of polyester or rayon and enjoy having your dress drape your curves to flatter them as it should.

Oh, and wearing a thong panty to escape panty lines might be minimally better than going commando–IF that’s why you’re wearing it. But if you’re wearing said thong panty with low-cut jeans that are so very tight and low that they expose the waistband of the thong and give you a muffin top like the balloon animal above, you are NOT sexy.  Ew.

In conclusion, panty lines mean you’re WEARING panties, which should be considered a good thing whenever you’re not about to do sexy times, which is most cases.

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